Author and executive coach Karen Stein believes we can learn to coach ourselves to become the leaders we want to be. While her advice can apply to every stage of your leadership path, your focus will change as you move through your career. Here’s her guide.

1. You’re aspiring to become a leader

At this stage, you need to be clear about the kind of leader you want to be.

“Think about how you can align leadership with your best self,” says Stein. “Rather than trying to emulate someone else’s style and be someone else, think about what you as a unique individual can bring to the role.”

You need to understand your values, your strengths, and your purpose so you can honour them and build your confidence as you start your leadership career.

“Most people hope they’ll have a positive impact which is inspiring, motivating, and long-lasting,” says Stein. “You’re most likely to achieve that when you lead consciously and stay true to your best self.”

2. You have your first leadership role

Now it’s time to set goals and build motivation.

“In setting your goals, you might start with what you hope to achieve over the next 12 months, then break that down into achievable monthly or quarterly steps,” says Stein.

Focus on the answers to these questions.

● What is my longer-term goal and the shorter-term goals required to achieve it?

● How do I step forward and incrementally move toward their completion?

● Who should I approach for support?

● What skills do the team require now, and how will these change as we move forward?

Aligning your goals with your purpose and values will strengthen your motivation.

“This can work even when your goals are set externally – for example, as company KPIs,” says Stein. “It’s all about mindset. By reframing your goals from something you have to do to something you would like to do, you will increase your connection with the goal and the motivation you need to complete it.”

Look for the hidden benefits and find the purpose behind the goals, she adds. “Perhaps achieving these KPIs will help you to connect with other groups, help your team develop new skills or provide opportunities for you to apply your creativity and strategic thinking.”

3. You’re entering the C-suite

By the time you enter the C-suite, you will have gained a great deal of experience. But, you may have become less self-aware along the way.

“A large-scale study found that about 90% of leaders believe they’re self-aware but only 10–15% actually are,” says Stein. “There could be many reasons for that, though I think that as you progress through your career and become busier and busier, you tend to seek less feedback.”

People are also less likely to offer feedback because the more senior you are, the more conscious they can be of a power dynamic.

“Without feedback, you might not realise, for example, that your communication style is less than ideal, or you’re not listening as carefully as you should,” says Stein. “Blind spots you’ve overlooked could be moving you away from the positive, inspiring, motivating and long-lasting impact you were committed to at the start of your career.”

She suggests taking a few minutes every morning for self-reflection and to set your intentions for the day.

“Ask yourself what impact you’d like to have and what behaviours, emotions and cognitions you need to achieve that,” she says. “At the end of the day, build your self-awareness by reflecting on whether your impact matched your intention. If not, where was the mismatch and what needs to change?”

Seeking feedback from colleagues can be invaluable.

“Imagine if you appear dismissive of team members’ input or sound a bit aggressive – how will you find out if no-one tells you?” asks Stein. “Choose someone you respect and trust and make sure they feel psychologically safe enough to speak openly to you.”

4. You’ve achieved peak leadership

Stein believes that, at your peak, you should be kind in leadership. This includes being kind to yourself.

“Self-kindness allows you to exercise self-care and prioritise your physical, emotional, cognitive and spiritual wellbeing,” she says. “Leaders at their peak have a great deal of responsibility and demands on their time that can leave them feeling stretched and exhausted. Their own wellbeing needs to be maintained if they are to lead as their best self and have a positive leadership impact on others.”

Peak leadership is also a time for activating self-compassion.

“We need to remind ourselves that we’re all part of humanity, we all have imperfections and mistakes will happen,” says Stein. “We need to be forgiving of ourselves and speak to ourselves with the same kindness we would speak to a colleague or friend. With the help of self-kindness and self-compassion, we can lead as our best self for the whole of our career.”

Karen Stein is an executive coach with more than 30 years’ experience in the professional services industry. Her internationally award-winning book Be Your Own Leadership Coach: Self-Coaching Strategies to Lead Your Way gives readers self-coaching strategies to lead their own way.